


Hold Me Close And Don't Let Go

by star_spangled_man_with_a_plan



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Best Friends to Lovers, Bucky takes care of Steve, Comfort, Cuddling, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, TFA!Bucky, Very little angst if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23428702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_spangled_man_with_a_plan/pseuds/star_spangled_man_with_a_plan
Summary: Bucky dug around for a bit before he found what he was looking for. Grabbing two large, thick woollen sweaters, he turned to face Steve.“We gonna spend the rest of the day warming you up. Johnny’s got a fresh stock of cocoa for the first time in months and I bought us a tin.” Bucky said with a wide grin.Or, its winter and Steve is cold, so Bucky takes care of him.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84





	Hold Me Close And Don't Let Go

This was their first winter living together and so far, it was not going great. Steve was huddled in a pile of threadbare blankets on a chair in part of the room that was furthest from the window. His body shivered and his lungs struggled to adjust to the chilly air. His airways were dry and he could feel his throat closing up. Steve knew he would need his nebulizer soon, but he was just too cold to move from the position he was in.

Bucky was at work, taking on extra hours down at the docks because Steve was sick practically throughout the winter and they needed the money for his medication. Steve could only do minor jobs around town in summer, his health not allowing him to do much more. He occasionally sold his art, but that did not bring in nearly enough money to keep them afloat.

Whatever Steve earned went straight to their rent, Bucky’s wages paying for everything else, from groceries to Steve’s art supplies. Steve drowned in guilt anytime Bucky bought him something or paid for his doctors’ visits and medication, but Bucky was mulish and never took no for an answer.

Bucky and Steve had been inseparable from when Steve was six and Bucky seven. He’d confronted some bullies who were giving Steve a hard time because of his weight. It was two against six so they’d both gone home with bruises and a bond so strong, nothing could come between them. 

After Steve’s mom died, he had nowhere to go and no one to depend upon so Bucky, already nineteen and living in a shitty apartment, offered him a place to stay. The rest is history.

A wracking cough overcame him. Steve quickly checked his napkin, relieved to only find yellow-green phlegm and no blood. He was wheezing now, the air so cold and dry that Steve’s tongue felt like sandpaper in his mouth and his chest hurt. Their water was too cold for Steve to drink without heating up first and he knew he didn’t have the energy to go do it himself.

Then, two hours too early, Bucky’s cheeky voice could be heard throughout their apartment. “Honey, I’m home!” He exclaimed.

Steve tried to greet him, but all that came out was a weak cough. He heard Bucky’s footsteps hurrying into their room. Bucky walked in, his heavy winter coat on his arm, his thick cable-knit sweater was slightly stained and his suspenders lay open around his waist. His woollen slacks had a giant patch of flannel in the left knee that Steve had stitched in a couple of years ago.

Steve could feel Bucky’s eyes on him. He knew he made a pathetic sight; curled up in a chair with three blankets wrapped tightly around him, coughing and wheezing. But Steve didn’t feel the embarrassment he usually would if it was anyone else. Bucky had seen him at his worst; this was not an uncommon sight for him.

Bucky dumped his coat on the bed, took out Steve’s glass nebulizer from the drawer and kneeled down in front of him. Steve finally looked up. Bucky’s slicked back hair was wind-swept, his cheeks dirty with grime and his eyebrows furrowed in concern. His slate grey eyes were filled with worry but his soft pink lips had a smile.

Steve quickly averted his eyes, his heart pounding out of his chest, but not in the way that would warrant a visit to the hospital. You see, Steve has been in love with his best friend for as long as he could remember. He can’t even pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love. He has loved Bucky for most of his life, so it wasn’t a surprise that it grew into something more one day.

But Steve never said anything, fearing Bucky’s reaction. It had taken him a few years to come to terms with and accept his feelings, because loving a man was neither natural nor legal. No matter how much Steve tried, his eyes never strayed to women, Bucky occupying most of his heart leaving no place for another.

Bucky was popular with the dames. He had a new fling every month, meeting them at bars that he dragged Steve along to every other week. He never brought them home and they rarely lasted more than a week or two at most. 

Sometimes he wondered if there was more than mere concern in his gaze; if there was affection there, but Bucky never made a move and was strictly seen with a string of women. Steve’s heart shattered, knowing that one day Bucky’d find a beautiful dame, buy a small cottage in the countryside and live the rest of his life raising three kids. 

Steve was never going to be a part of his life. _Not in the way I want to_ , Steve thought bitterly. He’d be lucky if he lived to see thirty. So he kept his feelings to himself, not wanting to jeopardise his friendship.

Bucky put a couple of drops of epinephrine into the nebulizer and gently held Steve’s head in his hand. Steve protested, not a fan of being coddled, but the look Bucky gave him rivaled that of his mother. Steve was sure he'd learnt it from her. He brought the contraption up to Steve’s mouth and Steve opened wide, not without resistance, as Bucky took care of him. 

Once the tube hit the back of his throat, Bucky squeezed the bulb, Steve’s lungs widening when the medicine entered it. Steve could finally breathe easily again.

“Stevie, how many times do I gotta tell ya to put up some water? The air gets real dry real quick during winter. If I come home and see you passed out again, I’m gonna snap all those pretty pencils of yours.” Bucky scolded him as he left the room to boil some water. 

Steam really helped with Steve’s breathing, but he rarely had the energy to carry a heavy pan filled with boiling water into their room. So he relied on Bucky to do it for him on days he felt sick.

“Thanks, Buck. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Steve called back, his voice only slightly scratchy. 

“Sure you do, pal. You’d survive because you’re the most stubborn fella I have met in my entire life. You’d stare down Death and tell him ‘Not today.’” Bucky answered sincerely, walking back into the room with a sweet smile on his face. Steve’s heart swelled in his chest and warmth spread through his veins. Bucky cleaned up his face and hands with a wet rag and walked over to their cupboard.

He dug around for a bit before he found what he was looking for. Grabbing two large, thick woollen sweaters, he turned to face Steve.

“We gonna spend the rest of the day warming you up. Johnny’s got a fresh stock of cocoa for the first time in months and I bought us a tin.” Bucky said with a wide grin, dropping one of the sweaters, a dark grey one, on the bed and taking the other one, a dark blue one, with him to the kitchen.

“Bucky, you know we gotta save up.” Steve whined although his heart was doing somersaults at the mention of cocoa. It was one of his guilty pleasures, but they rarely had the money to afford it.

“Yeah, yeah. We got enough money for now, Stevie. Let me spoil you once in a while.” replied Bucky from the other room. Steve huffed and leaned back in his blankets.

Bucky walked in, wearing the dark blue sweater and using his cable-knit one to grasp the handle of the pan of boiling water. He placed the pan down near Steve’s side of the bed and grabbed the other sweater before approaching Steve.

Bucky crouched down again, gently pulling away the blankets from Steve’s body. 

“C’mon Stevie, put this on. You’ll feel warmer.” Bucky says softly, gathering up the blankets and depositing them neatly on the bed as Steve pulls Bucky’s sweater over the one he was wearing. It’s big and smells of him. Steve takes a huge sniff when Bucky’s back is turned and he doesn’t feel ashamed of it. _Almost _.__

____

____

“Get into bed, I’ll get us some cocoa. We don’t have any milk so water’ll have to do.” Bucky announced and walked out again. Steve made himself comfortable on their bed, shivering slightly as a cold draft filtered in from their cracked window. He pulled the blankets around him once again and tried to keep his trembling to a minimum.

Bucky walked in a moment later, a spoon in his mouth, two mugs held loosely in one hand and their wireless radio in his other. They weren’t rich enough to afford a television, but Sarah and Steve Rogers had a wireless radio that Steve inherited after she passed.

Bucky passed Steve the radio and crouched down next to his bed, pouring hot water into both of their mugs. He stirred and handed Steve his mug before walking around their bed and getting in the other side.

Their bed wasn’t big, but Steve was small and thin so it was somewhat comfortable. Especially when it was cold and they had to huddle together to share body heat. 

Once under the covers, Bucky deposited the wireless in his lap and wrapped his left arm around Steve’s shoulders. Steve’s heart pounded and he could feel a blush travelling up his body. Steve reached out with his right hand to fiddle with the dial of the radio. The soft sounds of a saxophone filled their room and Steve grinned. He loved jazz and he knew Bucky loved it too.

Bucky chuckled and pulled him closer, the warmth of his body and the heat of his proximity stopped Steve’s shivering. Steve laid back, resting his head on Bucky’s shoulder and closed his eyes, enjoying the moment.

Bucky’s arm tightened around Steve and Steve turned on his side, throwing one leg over Bucky’s. The steaming pot helped warm the room and provided much needed moisture in the air so that Steve's throat wouldn't dry out. 

They say there, sipping their cocoa and holding each other, lost in the feeling of being close to the person they moved most in the world.

Steve stretched out to put his empty mug on the bedside table before snuggling back into Bucky’s arms. He buried his head into Bucky’s chest and was now practically in Bucky’s lap but the older man didn’t complain, he just wrapped his other arm, the empty mug placed on the ground, around Steve’s thin frame and held on.

\---------- 

Steve doesn’t know how long they lay like that, but when he opens his eyes, the light outside their window is dim. Steve feels groggy and his nose feels stuffed, but he’s warm.

That’s when he realises that his bed is moving. Steve glances down and sees that he’s sprawled out on Bucky’s chest, the other man having both his arms around Steve’s back to keep him in place. Bucky is asleep, soft snores escaping his parted lips, his face soft and his hair messy. 

Steve falls in love all over again. Bucky looks so innocent when he sleeps. All his wrinkles are smoothed out and he looks utterly at peace. Steve's hands twitch to draw him, but he holds back because he knows he has an entire sketchbook filled with drawings of him hidden under his mattress. 

Both his hands are on Bucky’s chest, so he gently tries to push himself up, fearing Bucky’s reaction if he wakes up and sees them like this. They have cuddled before in the past, mostly to keep Steve’s temperature from dropping too low, but they’d never held each other so intimately. Steve’s entire body is screaming at him to stay, but he doesn’t know how Bucky will react so he doesn’t risk it.

He gets up only about an inch before the arms wrapped around him tighten and he falls back onto Bucky’s chest with a soft _oof _.__

____

____

“Where’re you going, Stevie?” Bucky asks, his voice heavy and deep with sleep. Steve feels a jolt of heat travel down his body and gulps, his face on fire. 

“No-nowhere in particular.” Steve replies, keeping his eyes downcast. 

“Hey, is this making you uncomfortable?” Bucky asks worriedly, sounding more awake and slowly loosening his hold. Steve jerks his head to look at him. Bucky’s eyebrows are furrowed, but there’s no sign of disgust or discomfort. Just concern. Steve’s heart gives a treacherous leap, hope filling his mind.

“No, it’s kinda nice.” Steve replies slowly, staring at Bucky intently to gauge his reaction. 

A lazy smile grew on Bucky’s face, his eyes softening. “That’s good.”

They stared at each other for a moment, neither one saying anything.

“How’re you feeling now? Lungs burning?” Bucky broke the silence, his hands rubbing over the knobs of Steve’s back. His body tingled in the familiar way it always did when Bucky touched him.

“Yeah, I’m good. No burning. Only my nose is slightly stuffed. But that’s normal.” Steve replied, resting his chin on his hand and looking up from beneath his eyelashes. 

Bucky nodded in understanding, but he seemed distracted. His face scrunched up marginally, an expression he got when he was considering something important. Steve was curious.

“Buck? Whats-” he started but was interrupted.

_By Bucky's lips!_

Bucky surged forward, his right hand coming up to cup Steve’s jaw, coaxing him forward.

Steve let out a squeak of surprise that was promptly muffled by Bucky’s lips.

Steve was paralysed with shock. Because Bucky Barnes was kissing him. _Bucky Barnes_. Aka, the Love Of His Life Bucky Barnes. Aka, Painfully Straight Bucky Barnes. Is kissing _Steve_.

His lips feel soft and warm against Steve’s and he can’t do anything other than stay still and revel in the feeling. His body tingles, his face is on fire and he can see spots behind his closed eyes. His hands clench in Bucky’s sweater.

Bucky pulled away, his eyes searching Steve’s. Steve isn’t sure what he saw, but he leaned in again and kissed him, this time slower, so Steve wasn’t complaining.

Steve tried following Bucky’s lead, moving his lips slowly but clumsily against Bucky’s. He didn’t seem to mind, pulling Steve closer. Steve’s left hand travelled up Bucky’s neck to entangle in his hair.

Bucky let out a soft sound against Steve’s lips. His left hand left Steve’s back to prop himself up against their headboard. His right arm, still wrapped around Steve, pulled him up effortlessly as he sat up.

Steve now sat in Bucky’s lap, his knees bent on either side of his hips and his hand tangled in his hair. Steve made a sound of surprise that quickly melted into a moan, his other hand coming up to grasp Bucky’s shoulder.

They kissed and kissed for what seemed like hours until Steve felt his lungs seize up, the lack of oxygen finally catching up to him. He pulled away, breathless and panting harshly.

Bucky had a dazed look in his eyes, his lips red and kiss-swollen. Steve felt a zing of pleasure. _I did that to him _, he thought to himself triumphantly.__

Steve rested his forehead against Bucky’s. He had a rare moment of confidence seeing the effect he had on Bucky. So he thought, _Fuck it._

__Not quite looking into Bucky’s eyes, Steve steeled himself, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say._ _

__“Bucky,” he started nervously, “I’m in love with you.” He forced out, his throat tightening with nerves, but he pushed through._ _

__“Oh Stevie.” Bucky said, both his hands coming up to frame Steve’s face and force him to look him in the eye. “I have been in love with you ever since I knew what love meant.” He said earnestly._ _

__Steve felt his eyes sting, his nose burning. But he swallowed his tears. “What should we do now, Buck?” he asked brokenly, looking down._ _

__“I don’t know, Stevie. But I wanna be yours, if you’ll have me.” Bucky replied softly, his thumbs caressing Steve’s cheekbones._ _

__Steve looked up sharply. “Of course I’ll have you, Bucky.” He said firmly. “But, if anyone else finds out…” he trailed off._ _

__Bucky’s face fell slightly. “They won’t. We can’t tell anyone. I don’t wanna lose you, Stevie. You’re all I got and I won’t let anyone take you away from me.” He said desperately._ _

__“I won’t let anyone take you away from me either, Buck. It’s you and me til’ the end of the line.” Steve whispered against his lips, a wide grin overtaking his features._ _

__“Til’ the end of the line, Stevie.” Bucky agreed, leaning in for another kiss._ _


End file.
